The Unscripted Reality Show Called Dating

Mainstream media has often held up a mirror to society and demonstrated its power to influence viewers, either consciously or subconsciously. In this write-up I will present a list of notions that the middle-class urban teenagers have about love and dating where they often believe in an idealized version of relationships.

I hope you are ready to leave your logic aside to empathize with the people who believe in “Bollywood version of true love!” Now before I move onto the effects of popular culture on dating, let me first shed some light on the portrayal of love in media.

• Squint at First Sight: The phenomenon of “Love at first sight” in a Bollywood movie is as believable as Narendra Modi’s claims about maintaining secularism in the country. Let’s just say the pretty Bollywood heroine also known as “the damsel in distress” has probably had a few shots of tequila and is as clumsy as ever. She suddenly falls down and her man in shining armor picks her up and stares deep into her eyes and steals her heart away. Honestly, I’d probably turn squint if I kept staring into somebody’s eyes for so long (unless it was my oculist of course)!
• RIP Friendship Mode: The symbiotic nature of the portrayal of these relationships on television and Indian culture is exemplified in this stage. I’ve been through this often and lost too many guy friends! This stage is usually a direct implication of the “friendship eventually waters down into love” notion. I call it watering down because there have been times when you start hallucinating about those weird feelings in the pit of your stomach (which possibly have occurred because you ate more than you could digest at an Indian wedding).
I remember, once my 13-year-old little neighbour came jumping into my room like an over-excited rabbit and told me that he had a new girlfriend. For once, I wasn’t surprised. I asked him who the girl was and he told me she was his classmate who looked very similar to him and how their friends had started teasing them, so he wrote her a note that said “I luv u” (he actually showed me this note and I made a mental note to teach him some spellings that evening). She blushed and ran away. He was grinning at me like an idiot when he said “hasli tar phasli na?” I took my time in assimilating this bit of information and thought to myself: “This is just great, now this 13-year-old kid has a girlfriend who looks like his sister”.
• Saree Fallacy: The arena of adolescent romance in the 1990s reached its “saree fallacy” stage when millions of couples in India were divinely inspired by the song “Tip Tip Barsa Paani”. This lasted till 2000 when suddenly many men had imbibed Akshay Kumar’s claptrap of unbuttoning the first few buttons of their shirts unveiling what could only be described as “hairy and hideous” or even women who wore translucent sarees. The custom of wearing a saree and looking sexy still prevails but it makes reality extremely comical, for example if I were to run in a saree to avert the love of my life from leaving, I swear to Goddess Aphrodite I would fall into the muck before I even started running. And although I would still make it to the airport, I can guarantee when I see him there, he would just give me an exasperated look when I say “What? You are supposed to hug me now.” Lesson I would learn: Mucky was NEVER the new sexy!

Implications

• And the reason is YOU: “This isn’t working anymore, and it’s not you but me!” I have heard this as many times as I have heard people grumble about the heat this summer. Relationships today have an expiry date, some last for a day, the others for a decade. The most amusing part is the reasons for a break up. The first and the most inconsiderate thing I do when someone breaks up is that I ask them “the reason”. If you are a How I Met Your Mother Fan, you would know that Ted Mosby loved girls who loved Star Wars and believe me, my heart almost broke when I realized I had never watched it. In my head I had already married Ted, but after that particular episode, the divorce papers were looming in all my fantasies. Reasons for a break up may range from:
  1. You hug me too much,
  2. You dress like a hippie,
  3. she likes the band one direction,
  4. I am sorry I realized I am a lesbian!
• Awkward Friendships: People loved Chandler and Monica in Friends and many drew inspiration from this couple. The direct implication of the RIP friendship mode is that many teenagers or even adults end up dating a very close friend, but then life happens! Love turns into hatred, friendship ends horribly, things get awkward and you lose two most important things at the same time: friendship and your confidence.
• Pit of Passion: We all love dark, dangerous and mysterious people. The passion quotient when it comes to bad romance is extremely high. Have you seen “Sleeping with an Enemy” or even “Mr and Mrs Smith”? If you have, then you will know exactly what I am talking about. Nowadays the number of abusive relationships has increased because often the bad boys and girls seem irresistible and alluring. But then again, bad romance is a pit of passion that you fall into and just can’t get out of!
• Travelling for Love: Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge mass-produced a generation of people who wanted to travel just so that they could meet their soulmates. If you are travelling to find a person you want to fall in love with, you could meet too many people and confuse yourself or end up meeting all the wrong ones. Travel for a better reason!
• Dating the Alter Ego: The Dark Knight fantasies are still alive inside our hearts. Too many DC and Marvel comics sell the idea of how a man transmutes into a superhero with the help of a simple mask. In the real world too we can be who we want to be (secretly) with the help of the world wide web. Online dating is a rage when you are in the teenage. Just be very sure that the guy or girl you are head over heels for isn’t a 70-year-old creep looking for some galvanizing experiences.
• Waiting for the Perfect One: A long time ago a friend of mine and I had made a stupid checklist of the qualities we wanted in our “dream man”.(Confession: I was too jobless at the time and she was bored.) But then again I hadn’t discovered just how uncomfortable I get when I meet someone perfect. Bollywood, for instance, has a plot where the girl describes her dream guy to her friends, and just when she is about to give up on the idea of her dream man, she meets him and falls in love. On the contrary, I remember meeting someone who was exactly the way I wanted him to be, he was my very first crush but whenever I met him I acted completely dorky. When I think about it now, I realize even I wouldn’t fall for myself if I act like the way I do when I meet perfect men. To tell you the truth imperfections in a guy helped me converse with them easily. A perfect man scares the hell out of me, I get nervous. The perfect one is one that you can be your most imperfect self with. If you are waiting for a perfect man you will only transform into an old lady with a 1000 cats even though you’ve earned enough money to conduct your own swayamvar.

Bottom line

In the medieval times when Bollywood depicted the “no touching, only seeing kind of love” on screen but even in those days off screen romances were just as scandalous and bold as they are in today’s era. The real shift of trend has been in the previously “western approach towards transitory relationships” which was just limited to the high class and the upper middle class, now this approach has percolated down to the middle class since we all have access to television and new media. We all want to go to restaurants on dates, dress up for them, meet perfect people! But in the end what matters is that when two people start dating they spend quality time irrespective of the place, their appearances and maintain that bond no matter what. Like George Burns once said: “Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn’t show up on the X-rays, but you know it’s there.”

[Rutika loves bantering about uncanny things and binge on Bollywood movies and sitcoms with a rapacious appetite. You can find her rants on (http://duchessofbanterbar.blogspot.in/). She is a feminist who finds eating food amorous enough and so avoids eating men.]

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Engendering violence- Boko Haram

The purportedly “Islamic revivalist movement” undertaken by the Boko Haram in Nigeria has been one of the problems has emerged in the International limelight recently. The rise of extremism by Islamist groups is often an implication of Western Oppression of the Muslims. Increasingly alarming is the rate at which we “casually” use the term third world country when we talk about India or even Africa for that matter. A pejorative term which now more than ever highlights the impact of western imperialism on our own language.  Violence in any society is engendered when an entity feels misrepresented or even underrepresented, and in turn victimized. But then again violence inflicted upon the innocent cannot be justified with this particular corollary. Another point of argument pertaining to the Boko Haram and its ideological inclinations put forth by many influential voices in the Muslim World is that they are “completely contradictory to the teachings of Islam. The common proposition that every religion propagates tolerance may seem idealistic but is well established and proven by many religious fundamentalists.

Now that both sides of issue are cleared let us look at how the theoretical framework of violence actually works. (My intention in adding this portion is that we need to study violence, to understand its implications)

1)Using coercion and threats

2)Using intimidation

3)Using Emotional Abuse

4)Using isolation

5)Minimizing, denying and blaming

6)Using Children.

7)Using economic abuse

8)Using gender privilege

-Out of these, atleast three to four means for inflicting appalling levels of violence have been utilized by the Boko Haram. Their intention is to ban western education,  promote the idea that women are mere instruments of reproduction, are generally opposed to the idea of girl child education. To sum up its stated aim is to establish a medieval style caliphate in north Nigeria. Their claims of establishing a new “Islamist” regime are contentious.

The International blame game is on now where the western media blames the Nigerian Government for its loss of regulation over these extremist groups or even its institutional failures. The process of Democratization need not always include steps by the West to impose political models on variant societies(Unless they are willing to ingest them), their role could be limited to demolishing obstacles to modernization and democratization from within these societies.  While the Nigerian government is busy defending itself, about 200 Nigerian school girls have been kidnapped, the Boko Haram is releasing videos about threatening to sell them off. Truth be told the lack of media coverage is a fretful issue.

Bloggers Note- I chose to write about this because I was befuddled when I saw the amount of space allotted to this issue in our own Newspapers. While the elections and the Narendra Modi: Mamata Banerjee verbal but ‘ animalistic’ exchange covered almost one fourth of the newspaper page, this issue was allotted a small column. I think we would rather live outside the bubble than inside a political zoo  filled with unamusing jesters.  If you want to be a part of the movement please don’t hesitate to like the Facebook page, here’s the link https://www.facebook.com/bringbackourdaughters

Depletion of the Bozone Layer

Keyword- Bozone Layer is the substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating.

I went to a friends place to borrow one of her books. She told me that her cousin was visiting. So now the most basic rule of starting a conversation with a stranger was to talk about the weather and I did, I spoke about the increasing temperature and how I wished it could melt body fat. And for the first time she spoke "Totally,  I need an air conditioner wherever I go!" I immediately replied "Don't you think that it'll make things worse?" She looked at me indignantly and retorted"And how is that?." My friend, a very sensible lady said "Haven't you ever heard of global warming?" Her response was "Who cares about that?"


I couldn't help feeling disappointed. Honestly all we did during our Environmental Studies lectures in school was dozed off or built hideous figurines out of cardboard sheets. NO ONE payed attention to the sustained gibber of our equally nonchalant teachers about Sustainable Global warming, Ozone layer depletion, Water Harvesting yada yada. The truth is this subject should have a very practical approach, infact most of our subjects should. If Value Education and Environmental Studies could be studied through books then wouldn't we all be amiable and ecologically sound creatures.

Nature Trails would replace Reality Television, egalitarianism would replace feminism, negotiations would replace wars, and everything would be just picture perfect.  I just skimmed through my Contemporary Issues Text Book and couldn't disregard that conversation that I had with my friends cousin. While I was reading the chapters I concluded that we need to primarily treat the rising level of ignorance and then think about the CFC's, think of ways to prevent rational warming and then Global Warming and most importantly devise measures to deplete the Bozone Layer around us. 

Felony Sing! The Taylor Swift of India

Sometimes to know the difference between good and bad music, you need to know what bad music is all about... Today I dedicate my blog to an artist who has been the KING of Bollywood music for quite some time now, infact even Amitabh Bachan featured with him in one of his songs. To me he commits a felony everytime he sings! I must admit I love the groovy beats or even the music when it comes to his songs, but  I came to a very sad conclusion when I deconstructed Felony Sing's lyrics. I despise the lyrics, and believe me when I say this I don't hate Honey Singh, I feel bad for him. I think he is rejected or abused by most of the women around him! I would call him the Taylor Swift of the India.Want to know how? I am using those few songs that I have actually heard. Although I know for these songs all the Punjabi's in the house are going to find me and tie me to chair, make me listen to all his songs until I die of disgust, sorrow (his plight through songs could be heart wrenching)! (Worst death ever)
Here's my list of reasons

1) Dope Shope- If I were to rename this song, I would call it "Drop the shokh, will you?"
The story of a guy who writes a series of letters to a girl who is busy checking someone else out, while sipping on her drink. The funny part is it's a love triangle in that video where there's a guy dancing in the pool with different girls, even Felony Singh doesn't seem to be getting the hints that she is out of his league. Someone please tell him that this is NOT how you impress a girl! She wants to dope, let her! She wants to drink, let her! She's checking someone else out, LET HER. She's just not into you. Another thing is stop using onomatopoeia, girls don't make the 'Gat,'Gat' sound when they drink. And where did the 'Deep Money' come from. All I can tell you is that He's into some 'Deep, deep Shit!'

2)Break up Party- The name says it all, this is yet another story of Felony Sing who got dumped again, now there's something called as 'Rationalization' in psychology, he uses the 'sweet lemons' technique to get over the break up. The video shows us how he enjoyed flushing her picture, drinking till the world ends. While in reality all he was doing was hugging the poor toilet seat and hallucinating about how his ex girlfriend turns into a 'Kaamwali Bai' while he is still a rockstar singing songs about her. (Inspired by Ishq Bector, aren't we?)


3)My final reason is the third and hopefully the last song I have ever heard of Honey Singh aka Felony Sing called 'High Heels'- Let me tell you that here we can actually sense his fear towards girls who wear high heels, he uses onomatopoeia out of sheer fear, when he says 'Tik Tock, Tik Tock!' I feel you Honey. I know it hurts when a girl hits you in the head with her heels, but I also know it's not her mistake. She just wanted to check if you had a brain, or was it just a hollow skull. Of course, we all know what she found. Though I love the way you narrated the story of how she approached you and what you felt, I'm quoting him here-
Pehli baat to ye, jo tu tik tok tik tok chalti hai
Maana ye saari teri high heels ki galti hai
Rok toh jaa tu hang on, ye to bata tu hai kaun
Kahan se aayi hai, kaha ko jaayegi
Pagal ladki mujhe marwayegi
Bas kar ye jalwe na dikha
Ye sab main bahut dekh chukka

Tujh jaisi toh pat jati hai

Phir durghatna ghat jati hai

Aur durghatna hui! 
God knows what you said to the girl this time!

Personal Note-

Dear Honey Singh, I know it's not your mistake but you think most of the girls like you due to your name. But when a girl says 'Honey' she isn't always hitting on you. You could hire me as an image consultant if you need. But believe me for the love of Sherawali Mata, join some grooming class, get your ears checked. Start writing some lovey dovey crap, it totally sells in Bollywood. These songs may help you with Bollywood, but I know in your head, you feel abused and frustrated. Don't commit anymore Felonies and if you do, try not to sing them. Talk to a therapist. :)

-Sincerely 

Rutika :)

Cluttered corner of a crackhead

I am completely out of my mind. I don't think I will even find  it ruminating in a pasture. (It's too lazy to traverse) I think it's still where it is supposed to be, but it just refuses to work anymore.The reason? Well I'm a 20 year old going through a quarter life crisis. Basically I want to do too many things- Learn to drive, learn to plan and study well, learn to be more disciplined, learn to be more focused, learn to prioritize, learn to be able to complete by assignments on time blah blah blah. The funny part is I just realized I've got to learn to do all this in this one year....Also I used to think the process of being responsible is a comprehensive aspect of growing up. When I was 18 I thought "It's okay to be irresponsible, it's okay to have a little fun, I'll grow up till I'm 20!" But the truth is 'I NEVER GREW UP!" Infact I think I'm gaining a lot of weight really fast, alienating myself from the very people I used to call my friends a few months ago. I just don't get them sometimes, their discourses make me feel like I just landed on Earth from planet Mars.  To feel good I started reading all those self help blogs and even watched 'The Secret'. So my plan is to visualize what I want to achieve this year and keep thinking about it, until I am determined to achieve it.

1) About the driving- I had this visual- I come running  to my mom and dad and say "Mom, Dad! Your daughter has successfully managed to avoid killing an old woman crossing the street, a lady with a baby and a man on a cycle while she drove all the way from the house to your office!" And they would both be proud of me, while leaving I would go close to my dad and whisper "By the way, I was parking and I accidentally hit your bike, you can now buy a new one and you're welcome!" :D

2)I never was a nerd, I mean I like the way people look when they study but I know I could never be one of them, I could NEVER LOOK like them! Until a few years ago I met this crazy girl (Now my Bestfriend) who inspired me to open my books and actually read it (I always thought blankly staring at my notes will magically feed information into my brain). Now it's been a while since I planned things and started studying sincerely. So what I imagine is that One day I just want to get into one of the best universities for an MA in Journalism or Mass Communication course, and then complete my PhD.

3) Assignment Completion- I want NO MORE of those assignments. I just need to able to study with some focus but these troublesome assignments can cause too many distractions. I'll explain with a very classic example- I open a webpage to about some research and end up watching Ray William Johnson's YouTube videos or searching for some Hot new Hugh Jackman pictures.

4)I've planned my vacations very well but I didn't get spare time to plan my timetable for the upcoming final exams!

Here's a list of things I have planned
1)I want to visit all the historic places in mumbai- Forts, Lakes, Dams. I've got almost 20 places that I really need to visit! (Reason- Before I travel the world, I want to know my own city inside out- every architectural marvel, every corner, every pavement, every road, every story behind it! I know Mumbai loves me as much as I love it.
2)Trip to Goa- If my friends don't turn up. I've made a promise to travel all by myself. I'm in love with beaches (They provide me with the space and time to introspect), some good sea food minus the bones, maybe some insomnia, some typically 'I am so cool because I'm 20 and still single conversations' which help me rationalize, I think it's a part of 'The Grapes are sour attitude' that I've learnt from psychology.
3)Dance- I want to dance, dance and dance again. It's been ages since I've stopped and there is a possibility that I may end up making a fool out of myself. But I'm going to dance like no one's watching, get drunk and either end up  knocking someone out or myself out.
4) Relishing a great book on a lounging chair of a beach, maybe steal a glace at some hot firangis playing football on the shore or trying to avoid those tharki men who seem to be looking at you like they have an inbuilt scanning machine inside their eyeballs.

3)Plan for my exam- Ermm....Plan of Action- Just be a dedicated and focused person who tries to understand the infinite concepts floating inside my brain but which never really register themselves in any one part of it.

The Killing Joke comes alive!

The Battle between

Order vs Chaos

Morality vs Immorality

The Dark Knight vs The Joker!

In the world of comic villains he is the most twisted character, he's also the greatest villain in the world of movies. Dumped in a vat of chemicals, a victim of self-mutilation with a sick sense of humor. He hates everything that batman loves! A purgence to a dark side that we all have. 

There's no batman without the joker, and there's no joker without the batman!

We all can't become jokers but we could  try and look like him-

Here are some easy steps that could turn you into the GREATEST VILLAIN IN THE HISTORY OF COMICS AND MOVIES- The Joker. 

Some background information- Christopher Nolan was inspired by the work of the 20th century British painter Francis Bacon and in turn this affected the make up design of The Joker. A classic example of how art can incept into cinematic representation. Are you ready?
All you need is-

• Some face paint colors:- White, black, red, blue and green
• Some talcum powder
•  Bright red lipstick
•  Waste cloth
•  A mirror to scare yourself and others in the end!
• The most basic rule that you will need to remember is that the joker is 'an Agent of Chaos'. So keep the look as messy as possible.                                                                                                                                                                                                                  
  
                                                        
• Paint a base of white all over the face but avoid the area around your eyes, eyebrows, cheekbones. 

• Mark the edges of your lips with a bright red lipstick, extend them till your cheek bones. Fill the space.
• Now coming to the trickiest part, the space around you eyes! It should be dark and void so we need to use the colors in the order given below- First fill it with the darkest shade of black, profile them with a shade of blue. (The color may seem insignificant after your look is finished but it gives a gloomy yet scary look when it is amalgamated with some green. ) The final touch is given by the dark green, which should merge with the black and blue.
• Always remember the order while you apply the colors to your eyes- Black+Blue+Green.
  

• Make sure that the white base is patchy and messy, use a combination of some talcum powder as well as the white face paint. Even  the dark corners of your eyes have a significance to them so make sure they are pitch dark and messy to give your eyes a morbid look.
• Although the sweaty look that the joker has in the movies gives him a very realistic look. All you need to do is dampen the loose ends of your hair or even some parts of your face.
• The psychic nature of the joker lies in his eyes so pay special attention, try to invest time and effort to give a well defined and crazy look to your eyes.
• Scars on the face could be added with the help of blue and green strokes around the lips and chin. The Killing Joke story comes alive as you see the traditional joker colors come alive!

HOLD A CARD (Instead of a batman keychain that I used in this one, due to lack of resources) , and with a lot of intensity say "WHY SO SERIOUS?"

P.S-This blog entry would never have been possible without my guru and friend Sumedh Gupte (A multifaceted  personality. A percussionist, sound editor, a rookie travel and event photographer and last but not the last a Joker fanatic! Thank you Sumdi...

Embrace that Inner goddess...Oops! I meant Inner Weirdo...

There are just too many things in this world that can make you feel beautiful and special. A simple gesture by a stranger in the train, made all the difference. I was in this pit I couldn't get myself out of, thought I was the most irresponsible creature on planet earth, saw myself in the mirror and for a moment a hag was staring back at me. There's this phase when everything that was picture perfect comes crashing down on you. That phase for me started when my mother, the woman I love the most had fractured both her legs, I had the most horrible day of my life. Even my love life had taken a turn for the worse. I had cried my eyes out in the college washroom and was returning back. Almost miserable! But something that day made me very happy like a child gets happy when he's offered candies. 

There was a little baby cushioned on a lady's lap. Babies are the most magical creatures in the world, I don't really believe in fairies, witches or any of those mystic creatures. But babies are ethereal, especially when they smile for no reason. So this baby I was gazing at, looked up at me and gave me this toothy little grin. And immediately I smiled back, grinned like an idiot almost as if I was in love! Reality took the form of tears and came rolling down my cheeks again. Oh how much I hated this outburst in public! I was almost about to close my eyes and wipe them off when the mother of the baby touched my hand and she spoke through signs and told me that 'I had a very beautiful smile!' I could feel myself beaming. This time the smile stayed for a long long time. While I walked home, every step was a reminiscence of every moment that made me feel wonderful,

That one time when I was annoyed at mom for complimenting me even without looking at me, and the way she cupped my chin in the warmth of her hands and said "To me, you will always look beautiful! Every single day." I never for a moment feel ugly or unloved after that day, a lot of times I get out of bed and as I'm running late for my lectures don't even take a bath. But I always follow the routine I'm about to mention.  I gaze into my bathroom mirror, hold a comb also known as my temporary microphone and dance up and down and singing aloud 'I'm sexy and I know it!' I feel it too.  

You'll have days when you can look like as ugly as a toad but don't fret, just don't feel like a toad or hop around like one, feel hot and become hot. (Disclaimer- DO NOT SET YOURSELF ON FIRE.) If you ever want to feel loved go give yourself a wonderful treat. Some people may find you creepy when you sit alone in Mad Over Donuts and binge on 3 to 4 Double Troubles at one go, but ignore all those dummies. Don't think twice when it comes to making yourself feel special (Unless your wallet is empty! You don't want to wash utensils after a hearty meal at a restaurant, do you? :P) Just embrace that weirdo inside your head which keeps telling you to do crazy things. These things may sound INSANE but they sure can make you feel better. I bet you will find all the happiness you need everywhere you go, and then do you find bliss. Don't be greedy. Share it with people, I would never forget that lady or her baby! :)